There's a lot of times when you start thinking what happens when you die. Usually, that happens when someone you know dies, well, the first time I really thought about it was when a girl from my school died. She killed herself and when she was just 18 years, it past two yeas now, but that doesn't meant that I don't think about her. She was an incredible person, she really was, and not everyone could see that, I couldn't not really, I knew there was something more in her that what she make everyone saw. And then I understand her, she wasn't happy in her home, yeah, she had a sister that loved her but not always that makes you feel loved, not even her boyfriend. I guess there's always something dark in us, something that makes us feel alone and that appears more often than we think. I don't know why she kileld herself but I know what she makes us feel.
I promised to myself the day of the church service that I wasn't gonna cry. What a stupid girl I was, I cryed as a little girl, of couse I was crying, she was someone that could have an incredible live. But what it make me really be a mess was her boyfriend, he was so destroyed, in such a pain that it hit me hard, it make me ask myself why she did, I wanted to ask her, why did you leave us? I was there for you even if a wasn't your friend, you could tell me anything you wanted and I would try to make you feel better, helped you if I could. And then I started hating her friends, why they didn't notice something was going on? why they didn't help her?
I reallise now that I never blamed her boyfriend? Why? I don't know why, but I guess watching him fall in her knees and cry so broken and so lost make me pit him. Pry for him, pry he will be better and that he could move on. But how do you move on when the person you love the most dies? And when that person dies because he/she wanted so?
I don't know. And I guess you can't know it. You just move on, the pain stays with you but you start beeing stronger and that pain is the thing that makes you start a new day live for those who can't.
